A TALE OF SIX SAUSAGE-DODGERS

“If you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a dodge ball!”

Yesterday was the funniest thing I have seen since the wrench scene in Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller’s “Dodgeball” movie.

After a tag team effort to inflate the sausage, carry the tube and moor it,Nathan Corridon, Mark Warren, Warren Rowe, James Smith, Andy Murray and myself gave the jumbo sausage a go.

It stood there lonely for 30 minutes with the guys flirting with it.

I carried my gear to the waters edge, an old man turned to me and said, “what do you do with that?” I retorted, “I’m gonna jump it!….but I won’t sing too loudly ‘cos I am not sure if I will make it.”

I figured it was just like football – if you go into a tackle half-heartedly, you get hurt, so full-on it was to be!

First run, with the echo’s of the old man’s taunt I aimed straight for the middle of it! ” do not bottle it, do not bottle it……. and then, two feet away from this awfully fat and round, flabby piece of plastic I pulled down as hard as I could on my boom and lifted as hard as I could with my feet to chop-hop as high as possible! I took off, I was on top of it, gob-smacked, the fin hit it and richocheted me off it and I was still planning! I ‘d done it and I unashamedly I claimed it! – Yes it was possible.

To celebrate I went for a forward and spanked myself like always… but I was smiling.
The flood gates were open, Warren from spotonwater arrived and hit it first run, James Smith then crossed it on Port, the first to do it! And yes, he claimed it to shrieks of laughter. Then Mr Mark Warren took a humungous fall, he jumped straight into the side of it and killed himself – a wipeout that was only surpasseed by Robin Penna’s first attempt, starfish , arse bump, head bang and dazed disaster! Then “Fishy” Steve had a go and totalled his rig and spent the rest of the session swimming.

I attempted it 40 odd times on a Fanatic Skate 100 , a 5.7 and 5.4 Pryde (strong sails and no cams!) and most importantly a short freestyle fin, no bigger than 27cms. I reckon crossed it 25 times, completed it 8 or 9 times both ways and completely spanked myself the rest! After the laughter subsided we reckon 1 in 5 attempts is successful, so the weekend is going to be so, so, so funny – pray, dance, sacrifice, whatever; for wind please! because this is going to be great!

“..the funniest thing I have done for years” Warren Rowe

“this is the best laugh I have had in years!” James Smith

“it is going to be absolute carnage!” Nathan Corridon

UNITY SUPERCROSS: AVON BEACH, CHRISTCHURCH, JULY 23/24TH

As far as we know this is the first time this has been done in British waters, (please correct us if we are wrong) and jeez are the sausages big! – Oh so big – an undoubted leveller. See the attached pics!

Objective:

· To put on a fun and exciting event to encourage newcomers to try competition

· To support the UKWA Racing event and Youth World Championships.

· To show case our beloved sport

· Everyone is invited!

The Format

The contest is handicapped, the pros have to do spinny things, mere mortals have just got to get around. The pros will be seeded to make things interesting!

All you have to do is this!

1. A Le Mans start- don’t trip up!

2. Broad reach to sausage one, jump and then gybe.

3. Back in over sausage two.

4. Inside gybe, great photo opportunity for flash jacks!

5. Back out over sausage three. (nice and broad to keep the fatties planning)

6. Gybe and back in, broad as **** so you are super fast for the finish line where you HAVE TO GO CRAZY, YOU MUST TRY SOMETHING STUPID ACCROSS THE LINE! It’s a Dismount; no dismount means your OUT!

· MOST RADICAL LOSER WILD CARDS HIS BEHIND THROUGH TO THE NEXT ROUND!

We would like to thank Jon, Richard and James at Naish UK for their kind loan of the Supercross sausages and buoys.

Prizes: TROPHIES UP FOR GRABS / AWESOME OPPORTUNITIES

Pro title

Pro-am trophy

1st student

1st Youth

1st Christchurch Boardsailing Club Member

FOR ENTRY CALL 01425 272509 / 272860

Plus it is a demo: Boards, Kayaks and surfboards

Confirmed support from: Naish UK, Mistral, Fanatic, F2, North, Arrows, Sailworks, Jp, NeilPryde, Bic, Tiga, Angulo, RRD and Ezzy Sails, Chinook and Yes Sails, Bic kayaks, Bic Surfboards, Ocean Sports, South Coast Windsurfing,

AND THEN IT IS THE UKWA RACING @ CHRISTCHURCH

AND THEN IT IS THE YOUTH WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS @ CHRISTCHURCH.

Location:

Avon Beach, Christchurch nr. Bournemouth

Social Event: SATURDAY 23RD JULY: THE DJ 1210 AT THE CASTLE!

We are delighted to present the legendary DJ1210 all the way from Newcastle-upon-Tyne in an unique sunset performance and cocktail party at The HIGHCLIFFE CASTLE: No dj has ever played here before! a beer tent, Bar-be-que all in one. This is art, not just a set and it will be fun , funky and full-of summer vibe!

ATTENDANCE IS STRICTLY LIMITED – reserve your invitations immediately!

Accommodation:

Please talk to Sophie at Sandhills Caravan park 01425 274584

fax: 01425 270016